Cue the Lingerie and Taut Tummies…The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is Back

It’s that time of year again when the hottest supermodels in the world will strut their stuff tonight in the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show on CBS at 10/9 central.

The show will feature models Marissa Miller, Miranda Kerr, Alessandra Ambrosio, Emanuela de Paula and Doutzen Kroes among many other beauties. Notably absent from the catwalk are Selita Ebanks and Karolina Kurkova, who both declined to renew their contracts (so they say…but we know Karolina was spreading like cookie dough in the oven and Selita, well…she wasn’t quite doing it for us). Also absent from this year’s festivities is the brand’s staple, Adriana Lima (who has a bun in the oven). Heidi Klum will play host to the show after it was reported that she was having trouble losing the baby weight. That can only mean one thing: no humongous wings for her this year!

The lack of well known models has also sparked a bit of disinterest in this year’s show. Granted, some of the VS Angels are well known, but who the hell knows the other no-name chicks walking the show? Part of the lack of appeal of the annual show is that there are no super duper big names to draw in an audience. After Tyra left (because she could no longer fit into the clothes) and Gisele left (because she was a money-hungry whore) and Naomi left (because she was a crazy bitch), the show lost it’s notariaty. There was something appealing about Tyra’s jiggling thigh fat that viewers could not get enough of. Case in point: check out these fierce and fabulous shows from 2002 and 2003:

The last successful fashion show was in 2005–the last time the show was in NYC.

The concept was fierce, the models were fierce and the girls were walking like it was a real fashion show as opposed to all of the pointing and kissing and heart-shaping they do nowadays. The fashion shows in 2006 and 2007 were catastrophic failures. The show lacked an interesting concept, was too glitzy and the set looked a bit off. Given the caliber of excellence we know Victoria’s Secret can produce, these shows were nothing short of disappointing.

Last year’s show was a step in the right direction: the runway was longer, the models were cuter and there was a lack of pointing to the audience (minus Adriana Lima, that seems to be her thing). Yet, it was not spectacular…

Perhaps the most annoying aspect of the show is that Victoria’s Secret seems to love to feature singers that are played out. I mean come on, Usher? Really? Shoot me. This year’s show however, will feature the Black Eyed Peas–Fergie might actually be turned on by some of the models since she claims to be bisexual now…

That aside, the show does relatively well in ratings after taking a dip to 6.5 million viewers in 2006 to a jump to 8.2 million viewers last year. Celebrities such as Diddy, Russel Simmons, Eva Longoria Parker, Martha Stewart (wtf?!), Jason Lewis, Seal, Mario Lopez and Denzel Washington also frequent the front row.

When it’s all said and done, there are a couple of things that Victoria’s Secret can do to revamp the show this year. The first is to get rid of the glittery runway. After five consequtive years of seeing a silver runway, we are tired. Can we get some plexiglass, please? Secondly, the show needs to feature some models that are well-known to the public. Putting a high fashion girl who nobody knows on the runway provides a disconnect for the viewer. Lastly, the show’s organizers need to tell these heiffers to stop kissing and pointing when they walk…it makes me regurgitate a little in my mouth.

Tune in tonight at 10pm to see if the show was a success and stay tuned for the review post.